Today is Valentine's Day and Chemo day #1. In the face of the heavy stuff I've been having to deal with, the most overpowering feeling I have now is gratitude. I am not scared. I am not angry. I am thankful.
I am thankful that I have a God who never changes. He remains faithful through yesterday, today and all tomorrows. Even during times in my life, when I wasn't walking in faith, He carried me through many difficult seasons. Looking back at my life, I can't deny that. I cling to the truth that He forever transformed me through each trial and each heartache. I am better because of it and wouldn't change a thing. Those times I surrendered, He softened my heart and altered my outlook. This situation is no different. Even in a world that is broken, tragically divided yet beautifully diverse in color, faith, and practices, the God I know is my rock that generously loves all, forgives all, comforts all and is a source of peace for all. In this season of cancer, He has again given me these things through all of you, my family, my friends, and my community.
"No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us and His love is brought to full expression in us."
1 John 4:12 (New Living Translation, NLT)
I am in complete awe at the number of people that have reached out to support us during this time. As I read through cancer group pages, there are so many women that are battling breast cancer alone. Without resources, without family, without friends, without community, and without hope. It breaks my heart when I hear their anguish.
Today, as I sit her receiving chemotherapy through my chest port, I proclaim my gratitude! I'm prepared to feel like crap over the next week or so as these drugs marinate in my vessels and tissue wreaking havoc with all it's ill side effects. Still, I will be thankful. Thankful that my bone scan and CT scan were negative for distal cancer disease. Thankful that there is still a cure for my stage of cancer. Thankful for my family and big extended family. Thankful for my dear friends. I've loved hearing from you daily via calls, text, handwritten notes, spontaneous visits, and your thoughtful, generous gifts. They have meant so much to me.
I am overwhelmed by your generosity and my heart is full! When I am feeling physically weak and at my lowest, emotionally, I will think of all of you and the unique ways you have expressed your love and support. The reminder gives me hope that I can boldly walk through this season because I have your love, your prayers and my faith and I joyfully and humbly receive it all. Thank you.
